The Stupid Stamp

This morning I got up at 7, was cleaned up and dressed by 8, I didn’t have to leave for Seattle till 10 and yet somehow, even with all this free time with nothing to fill it, I still managed to forget my laptop when I left and didn’t even realize it till I was walking into the office. How on earth do things like this happen? How do I forget my computer? I don’t always like to confess it, but I will go through phases where I am the queen of forgetfulness.

I’m hard on myself when it happens. Being an adult and doing a job well is all about training your brain to remember everything and think clearly no matter how distracted you could be. I get so angry with myself when I do retarded things like this because I know it’s a weakness I have and I have to work extra hard to compensate for it. When other people realize I do things like that I feel embarrassed and exposed. As I was walking in this morning and people were saying hi, I arrived at the moment where it dawned on me. What could I possibly respond with in my stunned reverie besides “I’m not holding my computer,” and that’s when I’m branded with the stupid stamp. Even though it shouldn’t mean that much, I addictively pride myself on remembering tiny things, being aware of what’s going on around me and multitasking like nobody’s business because it is just THAT BAD when I really flub up.

I live so far inside my own head that when I’m caught up in thought I disconnect from the outside world. I guess it’s kind of like the way your brain disconnects your motor functions when you’re in REM sleep so that while you’re dreaming, you don’t get up and walk around. And every so often you have one of those terrifying moments where you wake up in the middle of a dream and you literally can’t move your body. That’s kind of how I felt today.

Only the strange thing is, I wasn’t caught up in thought when I left. It seemed like my mind was clear. I fell asleep for a few minutes on the couch before I left, I guess that’s what did it. But I didn’t even leave in a hurry.

When I forget to do something that huge, the reason it is so scary is because I have no idea how to prevent it. I can be as OCD as humanly possible and I’m still going to have moments when I’m caught off guard. I don’t feel like I have control over it when it happens. This might be a rather extreme and highly unlikely example, but what if I forget to put my pants on? That’s what it feels like. Not even kidding.

If you ever see me staring blankly into space please do me a favor and snap me out of whatever planet I am on…and tell me to put some pants on.